So apparently if you spend the whole day eating junk food naked in bed and napping with your boyfriend then you’re “comfortable and a cute couple” but if I’m single and I do it I’m a “fucking mess” and need to “get out of the damn bed” and “what’s that fucking smell?”
why isn’t there a STRAIGHT pride parade?? why isn’t there WHITE history month? why isn’t there an international MEN’S day!? why isn’t there a hospital for WELL people?? why isn’t there a soup kitchen for RICH people??!?
at my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal that i am not inside. instead, they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the background.
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most if north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
yall in 2009: i will never send nudes!
yall today: pussy or butthole
When you get a bad haircut and you see people for the first time
when the person that you hate makes a mistake